Sunday, June 29, 2003

The Metallica redemption
When I was 11 years old, I started listening to Metallica. I had never really been a fan of a band ever before. I don't know what it was about them, it just meshed with my mind. It was like my brain was running parallel with their music. When I was 12 I got my first guitar. Although I didn't realise it at the time, I already had music running through my mind, and that is why I interpreted Metallica music so well. Specifically, it was the rhythms that I seemed to already "know". Also, the use of the "minor harmonic" scale meshed well with my mind. To this day it is my favourite musical scale. It just has that something that I crave.

Any other bands or artists I've become a fan of since then has been because I am a musician. I guarantee I never would have become a musician if it wasn't for Metallica. I know it seems shallow that some popular band should have such an effect on me, especially me, who is wholeheartedly against popular music culture. But that is the way of it.

I can say quite truthfully that I would be dead right now if it weren't for music. The fact is, I should probably be considered a "savant", as I am literally not good at anything but music. But, not to sound egotistical, I am really good at music. Of course, no one can reach "perfection" in music, so measuring a musicians ability is rather moot. But I understand music better than most people, or more deeply, to be exact. Like most people, I've had good times, and bad times during my childhood/adolescence. And like most people, I remember the bad times much more vividly than the good times. And the fact is, without some sort of emotional release, most people would probably have committed suicide by now. I have absolutely no emotional release other than music. I am not exaggerating in the least. Music is how, and only how, I express my emotions to date. You'd probably have to know me (or have such specialized emotions yourself) to understand this. To tell you the truth, and I'm not being paranoid, many people who meet me think I'm retarded, or otherwise mentally disabled.

If it wasn't for Metallica I'd be dead. I am alive because of Metallica. And since my life seemingly exists because of and for music, Metallica really is my "roots". I mentioned earlier that I learned guitar by reading, and playing, an "...And Justice For All" tabulature book. That is the only tabulature book I ever read. I never took lessons (other than school music class, which I failed, and school guitar class, which I passed only because I was beyond anything they taught anyway).

With that being said, I was greatly disturbed when I heard the latest Metallica album, St. Anger. I found it hideous. I found it horrible. But I was determined to understand it. It wasn't in my capacity to believe they could release something so literally bad. So I listened to it constantly over the past three days. In fact, I hardly did anything else. I copied the album on to this computer so I could listen to it even when my brother left. I bought headphones just so I could listen to it from a different perspective. I had to like it. I forced myself to like it.

And I do. I love it now. It is the best thing they've done, in my opinion. The songs are brilliant. That's all I have to say.

Edit: I keep finding myself wanting to sing along to the songs, which is very strange. Especially since the lyrics are so stupid. Even stupider than most Metallica songs.

"You flush it out, you flush it out. St. Anger round my neck. You flush it out, you flush it out. He never gets respect".

I think I made my point. I really do love this album though. It's so good I want to cry.