Ladies man
So my anguish reached a climax and I decided I needed a woman. So I met someone and we went out on a date. Nothing fancy, just a walk in the daylight. About 10 minutes into it when we were sitting on a bench, she abruptly stood up and said "yeah, I need to go now," and that was that. That's how pathetic I am. I finally get the guts to ask out a woman and go on a date and she runs away! Suicide has never looked better, folks.